I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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