you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
