Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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