Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
