I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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