by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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