Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
