I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm both gender and math confused
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
