Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
