If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
