I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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