When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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