I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
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