i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
