So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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