Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
