if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
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