TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
MIDGETS
????
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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