Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
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