I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
