It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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