Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
