Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just high enough for therapy.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
