Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
