i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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