if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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