3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
