doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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