Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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