Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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