Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Dicks are not precious.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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