I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
