his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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