today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I am available for nakedness
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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