We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
