As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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