i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Dignity is for republicans.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
