Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
