Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
