how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
