just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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