nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We're too hungover to prance.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
