A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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