1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
