Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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