I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
