I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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