She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
