I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
