There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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