The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
