OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
