you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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