There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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