She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
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NoShamevember. You game?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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