RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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