You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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