I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
