dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
only if we run a train.
done.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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