he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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