I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
