I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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