Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Sober January is a disaster.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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