I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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