she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
