i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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