I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
