call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
