Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
