I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
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