I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
