The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
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its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
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Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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