i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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