I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
