Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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