So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
