Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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