Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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