The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
