He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
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Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
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Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize