The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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